Not sure how it began but for some unknown reason I seem to have become someone responsible for circulating silly emails, wonderful picture of cats and dogs doing stupid things, outrageous pictures, brain puzzles and some really funny stories which make you laugh out loud and feel better. These funny emails help to share some humour (after I had deleted what might be libelous) and I hoped would bring a smile and a lot of laughs to folks I know.
My view is laughter is the BEST medicine – I have proof. You cannot overdose. It is free, there is no prescription charge and you can laugh with yourself looking at old snapshots or looking for fun jokes on the Internet. Yes there are hundreds. Laughter gives your inner workings a sort of aerobic workout and you feel great instantly. You can share it with someone you sit next to on a bus giving them a good laugh, and feel better while doing so. My thanks to all those who have sent me funny emails this past year……..
My personal thanks to whoever sent me the one about rat poo in the glue on envelopes because I now have to use a wet towel then wash it, with every envelope that needs sealing. Hooray for self stick stamps – no worries about rat poo there. Also, I now scrub the top of every can I open for the same reason – rats peeing on the cans in the warehouses they said.
I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl (Penny Brown) who was about to die in the hospital for the 1,387,258th time. I do not have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Bill Gates/Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program …..or from the senior bank clerk in Nigeria who wants to split $7 million with me for pretending to be a long lost relative of a customer who died intestate. I did send money to a friend stranded in another country and desperate for money to get home. She never thanked me. That telephone call to Russia cost me an arm and a leg too. Never got to the bottom of that.
I no longer worry about my soul because I have 363,214 angels looking out for me, and St. Theresa’s Novena (whatever that might be) has granted my every wish. I must not use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day. I am burning candles at both ends for something or other. I forget now but need more candles and matches to keep it going. Might have to sing on the street corner for that.
Thanks to my friends, I have learned that my prayers only get answered if I forward an e-mail to seven of my friends and make a wish within five minutes. Sometimes that is hard going. Because of your concern I no longer drink a certain fizzy drink because I now know it can remove toilet stains and I dread what it was doing to my inside. .. at least I must be stain free.
I am afraid to buy petrol without taking a man along to watch the car so a serial killer won’t crawl in my back seat when I’m filling up. Life is not a bowl of cherries. I always think cars are following me. I cannot go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me. I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a number for which I will get a phone bill with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore and Uzbekistan. At least the double glazing and loan calls have stopped but what is Peapea Eye? Some people are so hard to understand!
Thanks to you, I can’t use anyone’s toilet but mine because a big brown African spider may be lurking under the seat to cause me instant death when it bites my posteria. And thanks to my friend’s great advice, I can’t even pick up the £5.00 I found dropped in the car park because it probably was placed there by a sex molester waiting underneath my car to grab my leg.
If you don’t send this e-mail to at least 144,000 people in the next 70 minutes, I am advised a large dove with bottom problems will land on your head at 5:00pm this afternoon and the fleas from 12 camels will infest you causing you to grow a hairy hump. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of my next door neighbour’s ex-mother-in-law’s second husband’s cousin’s beautician. She died and she certainly got the hump.
Have a wonderful day! By the way….a South American scientist after a lengthy study has discovered that people with low IQ always read their e-mails with their hand on the mouse. Don’t bother taking it off now, it’s too late……. I do it all the time so you are no alone….Let me say thanks for and may this is just the beginning of a wonderful friendship. I have more staggering news I would like to share with you. Keep watching.Talk soon. Jeanne (having a silly moment).