KIDS STUFF

by Jeanne Hambleton © 2008
NFA Leader Against Pain-Advocate

Almost daily I am saddened to read in the national press about another ‘bright’ idea to erode the innocence of childhood. Fancy underwear (‘bra’ and ‘pants’) for tiny tots instead of vests and knickers – the morning after pill for very young schoolgirls – the list goes on and on. Maybe it is all down to the march of time, technology and television.

As a child I wore what I was given or I could expect a slap around the legs and sent upstairs to bed in a room where there was only a bed. I even wore the baggy hated navy gym knicks with elastic gathering around the legs and waist. These were made of some ghastly navy blue interlock material with a fleecy lining.

Having said that a pair of navy gym knicks might not go a miss as a fibromite on these cold mornings when the winter gets into the bones. Do you think someone might market them just for fibromites? You have heard of Bridget Jones drawers – made for us they could be called Frozen Fibro Fillies drawers. I wonder how many of us would welcome them to keep warm.

But I started out writing about childhood innocence and this came about when I received the following information, which allegedly claims that children had replied to questions in the science lesson.

These are certainly some smart answers! But some of these replies did make me laugh out loud. Hope you enjoy them as much as I did.

Q: Name the four seasons.

A: Salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.

Q: Explain one of the processes by which water can be made safe to drink.

A: Flirtation makes water safe to drink because it removes large 
pollutants like grit, sand, dead sheep and canoeists.

Q: How is dew formed?

A: The sun shines down on the leaves and makes them perspire.

Q: How can you delay milk turning sour? (brilliant, I love this!)

A: Keep it in the cow.

Q: What causes the tides in the oceans?
A: The tides are a fight between the Earth and the Moon. All water tends to flow towards the moon, because there is no water on the moon, and nature hates a vacuum. I forget where the sun joins in this fight.

Q: What are steroids?

A: Things for keeping carpets still on the stairs.

Q: What happens to your body as you age?

A: When you get old, so do your bowels and you get intercontinental

Q: What happens to a boy when he reaches puberty?

A: He says good-bye to his boyhood and looks forward to his adultery.

Q: Name a major disease associated with cigarettes.

A: Premature death.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized? ! ( e.g., abdomen)

A: The body is consisted into three parts — the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity. The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

Q: What is the fibula?

A: A small lie.

Q: What does “varicose” mean?

A: Nearby.

Q: Give the meaning of the term “Caesarian Section.”

A: The Caesarian Section is a district in Rome

Q: What does the word “benign” mean?’

A: Benign is what you will be after you be eight.

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About FMS Global News

Folllowing Rick Usher's death in December 2008, at his request in September of that year, I had agreed, as his principal contributor and an experienced journalist, to run the FMS Global News service due to his heavy commitments to music and raising research funds through this avenue. Following his sad and sudden death I hope to continue his work as he would have wished.
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